From Alexandra Hall at The Minds Journal: "This is probably one of the best narcissist books you can get your hands on if you find it hard to leave your narcissistic partner/spouse. This book will... motivate you to choose yourself and your happiness, and finally let go of them, so that you can build a happy and peaceful life for yourself." No one ever really leaves a pathological relationship. They escape one. Foreword by Sandra L. Brown, Author of Women Who Love Psychopaths Listed in the Top 10 of Choosingtherapy.com's 21 Best Books on Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Melissa Boudin, PsyD., 2022)Named as one of the 9 Best Books On Narcissism You Cannot Afford To Miss by The Minds Journal (Alexandra Hall, 2022)Identified in the Top 15 Recommended Books for recovery from relationships with narcissists by the website Moving Forward with Hope (Lynn Nichols, 2022) This is not your typical recovery book. Dear Survivor, I understand the confusion, devastation, and heartbreak you're going through because I was in a relationship like yours. When it was over, I wanted to learn why I hadn’t been able to leave. What were the barriers to leaving, as expressed by survivors themselves? When I conducted a survey of over 600 survivors, I found that the manipulative tactics narcissists use are the same tactics used in other familiar social settings -- and that there are things to learn from the situations about how to successfully walk away. This book connects the stories of hundreds of survivors with sociological research on the group dynamics of high-control environments. To balance out the more heavy academic stuff, I used pieces of my story to highlight that it is possible to come out of the other side and thrive. I hope the voices of the other survivors and the new insights this book brings help you find your way back to yourself. If we can do it, you can do it! Stay Strong, Kristen Original illustrations, tables, figures, and appendices help to explain the book's concepts: Book Description More than 60 million people have been in a pathological love relationship with someone who has an impaired conscience. The impact can be devastating, and the most extreme effects on survivors of these relationships may sound as if they only happen in movies. Survivors may try to break off the relationship yet feel powerless to stop their partners from walking in and out of their lives. Pathological partners may lie so much that sometimes survivors aren’t sure they know what’s real or who their partners really are. Survivors may alternate between believing that their partners are the love of their lives and questioning their sanity or even feeling their lives may be in danger. They may continue to feel fiercely loyal toward their partners, although their partners put them through unspeakable acts of cruelty and betrayal. Using the stories of survivors and social psychological research on compliance, cognitive dissonance, and thought control, Why Can’t I Just Leave? explains how relationships with pathological partners can create impossible dilemmas that trap their partners in a distorted dream-state and hijack their thoughts and emotions. In the book you'll find: A checklist of 75 signs you're in a relationship with a narcissistExcerpts of survey responses from over 600 survivorsWhat the survey shows about the five stages of breaking up with a pathological partnerThe key to understanding what makes narcissists' tactics so dangerous The sociological factors that make people vulnerable to narcissistic manipulationHow to use the stages of the narcissistic cycle against your pathological partnerSeven ways that survivors leave their narcissistic partners and which ones are the most effectiveA comprehensive glossary that includes definitions of relevant sociological terms and how they apply to relationships with narcissists "Kristen Milstead has done an excellent, and more importantly, accurate job of explaining these relationships of “inevitable harm.” While she is a survivor, her book is more than a tell-all book of “My Life with a Narcissist,” which you can find in abundance anywhere. Her Ph.D. in Sociology lends a brilliant and professional view for survivors to understand the human interaction patterns behind these relationships that have left survivors either paralyzed from cognitive dissonance and intrusive thoughts or wildly oscillating between loving and loathing, craving and repulsion, and wanting and not wanting. You have waited a long time for this direly important information that can help you understand and heal... Kristen’s book is a one stop shop for understanding the pathology behind your partner, your relationship dynamics, why you were targeted, the symptoms of your trauma, and steps you can take toward leaving you partner." -Sandra L. Brown, M.A., author of Women Who Love Psychopaths Excerpt @ Kristen Milstead 2021. We stood in a crowded bar, but that didn’t stop Amir from waving to the bartender impatiently for a fresh rum and Coke. I watched him flirt with the young woman on the other side of him, a woman he’d met at the hotel pool earlier. He had invited her to meet us after dinner, as if we hadn’t spent the past eighteen months in a passionate relationship together with him whispering to me daily I was the love of his life. Unsure of what to do, I looked around the spacious lobby of the resort, which was tucked garishly among several others along the powdery sand of the Jamaican shoreline. The bar was centered between tall white marble columns. Plush blue couches and a black grand piano hovered at the perimeters of the room, where beautiful, tanned people draped themselves over the furniture, talking to one another about their beautiful lives. I sat in shock, unable to fathom the stake that had been driven through mine. Amir had finished at least twice as many drinks at the bar as I’d had on top of several rum and Cokes at dinner, and when he stood up, he fell. The crowd in the room gasped and went silent as he ambled to his feet, the knees of his suit pants dusty. Two staff members rushed over, but Amir waved them away and held his arms out to show everyone he was okay. He turned to me, glaring as if I’d had something to do with his fall. After saying something to the woman next to him, he growled in my ear that he was going back to our room. “Are you coming?” he said. I froze, contemplating the trap before me. If I followed Amir back to the room, his drunken contempt for me would take over. We would be alone with nothing to stop him from unleashing it on me. Yet if I stayed without him at the bar too long, he’d accuse me of going back to another man’s room. Maybe he would pass out. I looked down and shook my head, and I could see him staring out of the corner of his eye before he tore off into the night. Then, it was as if I had willed it to happen. A man appeared beside me. He was in his early thirties with dark blonde hair, dressed in a brown, checked sport coat and a button-down shirt. “I can’t talk to you,” I said before he had said a word. “What?” His eyebrows creased in confusion. “I mean, I have a boyfriend.” “Oh,” he said, relaxing. “Well, he’s a very lucky man.” “Uh—thanks,” I said, my eyes darting around the room. The lobby had several entrances, and my eyes flicked back and forth between all of them. Each time my eyes fell upon the one Amir had walked through, his shape materialized for an instant, then disintegrated. I felt faint. “Did he come here with you?” “Yes, he did. And if he sees me talking to you, he’s going to be really upset.” I blurted it before I could even stop myself. My heart hammered in my chest now. The man’s eyes creased again with concern. As soon as I saw it, I lost my composure, and I started to cry. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” “Wait. Wait, are you okay?” He touched the underside of my arm, where I had a bruise in the shape of a thumbprint. No. I’m not okay. The enormity of it all crushed me, pushing me away from myself. It was a dream, yet it wasn’t. I wasn’t sure exactly how I had ended up there. Yet every excruciating detail had been its own slicing blade, and dozens of tiny cuts were draining me out. About a week before Amir and I had left for Jamaica, his secrets had been eating me alive, and I finally decided I had to know the truth.
✔ Author(s): Kristen Milstead Ph.D.,Sandra L. Brown M.A.
✔ Title: Why Can't I Just Leave: A Guide to Waking Up and Walking Out of a Pathological Love Relationship
✔ Rating : 4.9 out of 5 base on (62 reviews)
✔ ISBN-10: 1647468272
✔ ISBN-13: 9781647468279
✔ Language: English
✔ Format ebook: PDF, EPUB, Kindle, Audio, HTML and MOBI
✔ Device compatibles: Android, iOS, PC and Amazon Kindle
Readers' opinions about Why Can't I Just Leave by Kristen Milstead Ph.D.
Jillian Neel
The world-building in this book was simply phenomenal. I was transported to a different realm and felt like I was part of the characters' journey. The attention to detail made it all so immersive.
Polly Hurlbutt
I couldn't stop raving about this book to my friends and family. It's a literary gem that deserves all the praise. I can't wait to dive into more works by this talented author.
Violet Tyler
This is a book I'll cherish and recommend to everyone. It touched my soul and made me reflect on life's profound mysteries.
